Curse

Avari Zi · Nov 02, 2005, 09:10 AM // 09:10

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golfcourse when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was the response.

"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window." "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait ! a minute , that's my neighbor in there with her...... He's naked, too!!! The b***h!"

He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?" "I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth." "Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his d**k off to teach him a lesson."

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....."

Accurax · Nov 02, 2005, 09:27 AM // 09:27

Lmfao ... v funny

Whats red and sits in a corner?
*A baby chewing a razer blade

Whats green and sits in a corner
*same baby 3 weeks later

HOXMAN · Nov 02, 2005, 09:45 AM // 09:45

How do you make a Kleenex dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

MJ12trooper · Nov 02, 2005, 10:04 AM // 10:04

A man and a woman were driving down the road and arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off. Angrily, she tosses it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9-year-old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the penis smacks the car on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"

Not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big d**k, didn't it?"

Accurax · Nov 02, 2005, 10:21 AM // 10:21

David Blunkett should be the next Prime Minister

He could do it with his eyes shut

(prob have to be Brittish to get this)

Divinitys Creature · Nov 02, 2005, 11:17 AM // 11:17

LMAO

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